Our "Blissful" Wedding Night

I was lying in bed, watching a movie, he was sitting at the computer browsing the Internet, it was our first night as a ‘wedded couple’ and though blissful and wonderful as your wedding night should be, it was nowhere near that.  He began asking for the password to my email and social networking sites, I obliged thinking I had nothing to hide from him, and relationships are built upon trust, right?  Well, he took it to the extreme, reading all of my past messages, checking out all of my ‘guy friends’ and began turning jealous and angry.  He began drilling me about boys I had spoken to, boys I had hung out with before, who were all these boys I was ‘friends’ with?   He began accusing me of not being honest about past relationships, boys who I had met and been friends with.  Every boy I had ever spoken to, every guy friend I had had in high school suddenly became ‘suspected lovers’ and I became the disgusting Whore.  We had not known each other for more than a month or two, I had not really had opportunity to tell him everything about my past, and didn’t think it mattered; he had a past as well, doesn’t everyone?  But to him, because I had not divulged every gory detail of my life before I had met him, I was a liar, and a deceiver, a slut, a despicable low life unworthy of his love and affection.  I sat there in that bed crying, wondering what in the world I had gotten myself into.  If our first married night was like this, what did that say about the future of our marriage?  In that moment I wanted out, listening to him yell at me, scream at me, call me every ugly horrible name in the book should have been enough to make me walk out the door that instant, but I didn’t.

I don’t know what kept me there that night, maybe it was fear and shame, (What will I tell my parents? Where am I going to go now?) maybe part of it was my own stubborn pride, (I didn’t want to admit to anyone I had made such a horrible and stupid decision) and maybe part of it was me holding onto some hope that this was a fluke incident….maybe he had the right to be angry with me…they always tell you that marriage takes work, right?  I didn’t want people looking at me and whispering under their breath, “you see that stupid girl; she married someone she barely knew, and her marriage lasted only one night.”  I was determined to make it work, I had made vows after all, I was going to be true to my word and show everyone (including myself) that I could do it.

Thanks for stopping by, check back later for more of my story...